Vegan PF Chang's Orange Peel Beef Seitan aka "crappy mall Chinese Food"

Crappy mall food is one joy in life that was ripped from me in my silly decision to become vegan. BUT LO AND BEHOLD. I have made Crappy Mall Chinese Food-- specifically a rip of PF Chang's Orange Peel Beef.


1 package WestSoy Seitan
Sri Rocha Hot Sauce to taste (I used about 1 t.)
3 T. Bragg's (or any soy sauce)
1/2 t. garlic powder
1/2 c. flour
1 c. oil for frying

Heat the oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Mix the seitan with the hot sauce, Bragg's, and garlic. Use a fork to separate any big pieces. Toss them in flour, dump them in the hot oil (dip the corner of one piece in to see if it starts to bubble to be sure that the oil is hot enough). Deep fry for about 3-5 minutes until golden brown. Remove with a metal strainer, and set on paper towel to cool/crisp up.

1 yellow onion, chopped
2-3 cloves of minced garlic
1 carrot, chopped
1/2 c. mushrooms (any kind), chopped
1 c. frozen peas
1-2 t. chili garlic sauce (to taste)
any brand of "mandarin orange sauce" from the grocery store (avoid the "marinade" with soy sauce in it)
1/2 c. plain tomato sauce (secret ingredient)
3 T. Bragg's
1 T. oil

1 package of spaghetti, soba, or udon noodles (or rice)

Saute the garlic in the oil, add the onions and reduce heat. Saute until translucent. Add the vegetables in the order that you normally stir fry vegetables (carrots, then peas, mushrooms last). Add the Bragg's and the chili garlic sauce and let the stew for a few minutes. Mix in the orange sauce and the tomato sauce and the cooked noodles. At the VERY LAST COUPLE MINUTES add in the fried seitan. If you add it to early, it'll get soggy.

SO GOOD!

celebrity cooking

to attract more traffic to my blog and exploit my friends for my own internet notoriety and eventual fame, the ever attractive and popular liam p wilson, bassist for the dillinger escape plan, is making a guest appearance today. this afternoon, we made a delicious thai-inspired coconut curry.

i was gonna post a picture of liam "shredding" on bass, as they call it, but i don't feel like googling for one, so here he is tasting the delicious curry and looking like a creep.


ingredients:
-2 cans of coconut milk
-small can of bamboo shoots
-2-3 heapings tsps of green curry paste (to taste)
-half a bunch fresh spinach, washed and chopped
-1 sweet potato, peeled and cubed
-one red pepper, sliced
-one vidalia onion, chopped
-6-8 leaves of fresh basil, chopped
-3 cloves of garlic, minced
-shiitake mushrooms, sliced
-salt to taste
-rice or noodles

in a skillet or saucepan, bring the coconut milk to a boil add the sweet potatoes and cook them until soft in the coconut milk. add the curry paste, chopped spinach, and basil. in a separate skillet, sautee the onion in some oil, turn down the heat and add the garlic, then add the mushrooms and the red peppers. sautee them for a few minutes, and then dump them in the other saucepan where, by now, the potato should be about cooked. add salt to taste and serve over rice or noodles-- i like the soba buckwheat and wild yam noodles.